kirby1024: Green Greens Animation from Kirby's Dream Land (Kirby Green Greens)
I like arcades.

Consider it a throwback to my youth if you like. But I've come to embrace my happiness at arcades full of flashing lights, dodgy prizes and loud buzzers of success. There are a few reasons I like the arcades, the first major one being that I never go to an arcade alone. There is something about the arcade which screams group activity. It's just so much more fun to go with a friend, or with a group, and enjoy the atmosphere, and watch your friends play games, and then let your friends watch you.

This was never so well-demonstrated as last night, when me and [personal profile] radicalyffe decided to spend a night out at the arcades. Even more fun was that [personal profile] radicalyffe had never gone to an arcade before, so you had the extra fun of being able to introduce a friend to the classic arcade games of your youth, and the fun of collecting tickets for one of the prizes that are actually worth something.

You know, I really should plan a big group outing to the arcade. Get everyone to plan for $20-30 of spending and just go nuts for an afternoon. That sounds like that would be fantastic fun!
kirby1024: Kirbinator Icon (half-my face, half-terminator face) (Default)
As I have mentioned previously, here and elsewhere, my brain has this thing it does. When I'm upset, or I don't want to deal with something, or I'm generally feeling negative, my brain runs away. It has learned that it can stop feeling bad by making me do things, by keeping my mind occupied. My brain also discovered this really fun trick at work, in that when I project happiness on a call, I am happy, for all intents and purposes, at least on that call.

In short, it's part of a very long history I have of not facing up to emotions, especially the negative set. This, ladies, gentlemen, and others not of the previous two persuasions, is not a healthy thing.

So, since Steve's death, I haven't really been actually dealing with it. There have been points where I let some of the emotion out, but dealing with it? No, not really. So, a couple of days ago, I was talking to one of my workmates about it, and the undealt-with issues decided to tell me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going to just be able to ignore it.

Last night I went over to [personal profile] erinkyan's place to drop off a couple of things, and it came to a head - Erin asked the dreaded question "Are you okay?", and I finally admitted that not, I wasn't, not really, not even at all. I cried for an hour, as [personal profile] erinkyan tried to push me to talk about the pain, the sadness, the anger. All those bubbling emotions trapped in my head that my job simply doesn't let me release.

Let me say, by the way, I have never been more happy to have [personal profile] erinkyan as my boyfriend than last night, when he asked me to go through a visualisation with him, to help me actually experience all the pain and emotions, before pushing them all out. It helped so much to have a place where I could safely feel those emotions.

Today, I have also chatted to someone on Lifeline, and after I finish this post, I am going to go see [personal profile] erinkyan before his date. But before that, I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to make a big, poignant post about Steve, the same way I did for my Uncle. I couldn't do it then, because I still didn't have the whole impact of emotions. But I think I can try now.

My strongest memories of Steve were from our time together in the SVGA. He first started as our Librarian, at a time where we really didn't have a particularly decent library, so he ended up sorta being a member without portfolio. And a member without a portfolio, you find, tends to get stuck with a lot of odd jobs. Steve I recall helped make the SVGA's logo (seen here, he helped in (my time's) everpresent attempts to purchase a television for the club, so that I wouldn't have to lug televisions around. Once I moved out of home, I remember being so grateful that he was willing to drive me and my televisions home.

I remember Steven getting drunk at uni camps, and remembering that he never really seemed to get much louder, although he was always a very happy, very silly drunk. At parties he'd get right into conversation, about games and geeky things. You could tell that he was an intensely bright man, tempered perhaps only by shyness, by his own quietness, but explain something to him, and you very rarely had to explain it twice, and that was something I respected about Steve a lot.

But when I look back on the time I spent with Steve, I find that I remember a lot about the events, a lot about what he did, but not a lot about Steve, the person. At the funeral, they mentioned he was an intensely private and quiet individual, and I can't say I disagree terribly about that. As much as he was a constant presence in Korner, as much as he was a mainstay in the SVGA, I didn't get to see a lot of him, in particular. I know that he often had a wicked sense of humour, as the quiet people often do. That, like me, he could latch onto a joke and run with it. I remember more than anything that he always seemed to have a good heart, was always happy to participate, always happy to help out. He was always there.

And now, he isn't. Now he is gone, by his own hand. His mother made a request at the funeral, that we respect his choice to end his own life, to be willing to let go. I want to be able to respect that choice, and I think I'm closer that now than I was since my last post. I will miss him, a lot, I will miss having such a good person in my life. I'm not sure how he saw us, but right now, I would proudly say that he was, and shall always be, my friend. Had he asked for anything, I would have done my best to make it happen. When I visited him in hospital, I told him that, should he ever need to talk, about anything, he could call me, and I would listen, and I would have. I wish we were closer, but I guess there's no sense in wishes like that now.

I miss you so much, Steve. I hope you know how much you were loved by your friends, I hope you know that people had to stand at your funeral, so many people came to pay their respects to you. I wish the turmoil in your life could have been resolved by those around you, but clearly this was not to be. I hope that, if you are anywhere, that you are finally at peace. Thank you for being part of my life, however brief it must be. I don't think I can let go of you yet, but I will try and move on. Farewell, Steven Williams.
kirby1024: Hypercube Graph Icon (Hypercube)
From today's paper:

WILLIAMS. - The Funeral Service for Steven James Williams, of Menzies Creek, will be held at Lilydale Memorial Park, 126 - 128 Victoria Road, Lilydale (Melways ref: 280 D11) on WEDNESDAY (June 16) at 11.00 a.m.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to World Vision (Ethiopia, supporter no. 3138336). Envelopes will be available at the Service.
kirby1024: Kirbinator Icon (half-my face, half-terminator face) (Default)
This morning I listened to a voice message from my friend David Allen. Apparently he'd been trying to get in touch with me for a couple of days because he had some really important information that he wanted to give me in person. My friend, Steven Williams, killed himself a couple of days prior. David told me that his mother had asked that I be told, mainly because I visited him in hospital after his previous attempt.

More than anything else? I'm angry at the world right now. I'm angry that a good friend of mine, a friend that I had always enjoyed the company of, and of whom I had good memories of, is now gone, forever. I'm angry that, whatever help he was getting, what supports he'd gotten in place since the last attempt, clearly hadn't helped. I'm angry that I'd thought he was recovering, when he hadn't. I'm angry more than anything else because yet again the world has taken someone I loved away from me, and it's so fucking unfair.

I want to sit down and remember the good times. I want to do that poignant post where I sit down and remember all the good memories and impressions I had of the man, but right now I can't get past the fact that I'm going have to attend my second funeral in as many months, that I liked Steven and that he was one of my favourite people in Korner and now he's gone, that I will never know why he's gone, if there was anything that triggered it, if there was anything I could have done if I'd have known at all, and it's all just goddamn fucking unfair.

To be fair, I've only known about this for about 4 hours. I'm still working through my feelings about this. I feel a bit useless because I'm coming to this late, and still don't actually have all the details. I plan to call people later on tonight, so I can get more details, find out what's going on, if the funeral has been planned, etc.

For the time-being there's not a lot I can do except try and work through the grief, and that's what this post is kinda for, I guess.
kirby1024: Kirby taking a ride on a star. (Kirby Wheee!!!)
So, last night I went out with friends and family for a big birthday celebration in the city. After I'd finished work, I drove over to the other side off the city to have dinner at Yak bar. It's a very funky little bar/restaurant with some awesome food, and it was wonderful to be see everyone and have some time to catch up. I especially recommend the Tapas menu, the halloumi and the chorizo especially are top-notch! For Desert, we had [personal profile] erinkyan's delicious, delicious cupcakes, and yes, they were seriously awesome.

After that, we went and met up with the rest of the night's party (16 of us in all! Never have I had in my hand so many tickets!) and saw Tripod vs The Dragon at the Forum. Firstly, I echo the sentiments of a couple of other people - It was fantastic to actually be able to go inside the Forum and look around the place. I've been past the place so many times, I'd always been curious as to the inside of the place, and it's a beautiful venue. Secondly, I loved the show, the gags were wonderful and insightful, the use of the overhead projector was really, really fun, and frankly, most of the way through the show I was thinking "You know, I've been in roleplaying games like this. Except this one is really fun to watch!"

About the only thing in the show that let it down a little was the songs - I was bored through a few of them, and I don't think many of the songs were up to Tripod's usual humorous fare. I do not, however, lump Elana Stone's songs into that assessment, because even though they were typically serious songs, I don't think you could be bored when Elana Stone sings. She is fucking awesome. Also, she looks for all the world like [livejournal.com profile] happypea. Seriously. Especially in that red dress. I ended up going to the merch stand and grabbing me the CDs, because I think I found new awesome music here.

Despite that, I strongly recommend the show to everyone - geek or otherwise, as the show is extremely accessible, and then gets better if you've ever roleplayed with dice. Also, I recommend viewing their Official webpage at the moment, mostly because they've D&D-ified the place and it's kinda fun to catch all the jokes in there!

After that, a group of us headed down to 1806 on Exhibition st, and I think most people know that it's one of my favourite cocktail bars in the city, with the best menu I've ever seen. We got to sit and chat, and I enjoyed a very delicious Mitch Martini, while the rest of the group enjoyed their own delicious cocktails. All up, it was a wonderful night, and I'd like to thank everyone who turned up for whatever part of it they turned up for, It's definitely the best birthday celebration I've had for quite some time!

In other news, it's my actual birthday today. 26 years of consecutive life! Hooray!

Moving On

Jan. 1st, 2010 07:32 pm
kirby1024: Kirby and Metaknight in a samurai duel (Kirby Duel)
I'm a bit inconsistent when it comes to New Years posts. Sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't, and a lot of the time it's to cap off a not particularly decent year, and hope for a better one the next year. I'm a big believer in hope.

I'm not going to do a big wrap-up post this year. This year has been great one, with both highlights and lowlights, and I feel genuinely pleased with the direction of my life, but I really cannot be bothered dredging up all the highlights and displaying them to everyone.


I do, however, want to put out there the directions I'm planning for my life to go this coming year.

Firstly, I came up with a New Year's resolution, a few minutes before midnight, that struck me as one that I definitely want to work on. This last year I have been feeling rather isolated, as I've been working full-time, and now moved out to the opposite side of the city, but I recognize that I haven't been putting a lot of effort into keeping up with friends either, so I intend to rectify that this year. This year, my New Year's resolution is to get back in touch with those friends I've left behind the last year or so. I plan to work hard at arranging to go out and do shit, and to take friends with me to do things with, rather than waiting for opportune moments to see others. I have a lot of really cool and brilliant friends that I've dropped out of contact with, I think now is the time to get back in touch with people.

Secondly, I plan for a new direction is to get my finances back in order. I plan on aggressively attacking my debt this year, because once I have less debt, I'll have so much more freedom in my life to do the things I want.

Thirdly, I want to keep the good times rolling with my [personal profile] erinkyan. I've grown so much closer to him this year, and, and I plan for this not to change. It's a good, positive thing in my life, and I plan on keeping it that way!

To anyone I may have missed with my scads of texts and messages to all my friends and family - I hope every one of you has a wonderful new year, full of whatever you need and whatever you desire. Let this year be the Year of Awesomeness!
kirby1024: Cute Kirby Icon, in crayon (Kirby Crayon)
So, it's been a while since I've posted anything here, mostly because most of my update thingies are going to Twitter, and my other writing outlets are sucking all the rest of my writing brain. But I figure I'd give those not on the Twitter/Facebook bandwagon a chance to catch up on my life.

Firstly, my new job is going quite well - I've since moved out of the Identification team, and have been moved into Servicing (basic account services), and I quite frankly love it. It's been a really long time since I've loved my job as much as I do now, and honestly it's a little hard to get used to. I'm used to my job just being a neutral part of my day, now my job honestly makes me feel good. I love going into work, I enjoy every call I take, I feel the need to dance anytime there's hold music... There aren't a great deal of negatives in my job right now. I'm starting to remember, slowly but surely, what attracted me to Customer Service in the first place - the opportunity to help people. And I get to do that all the time at my job, with nothing to stop me. It's really great!

But it's still weird to actually be enjoying my job. I know I should just get over it, but it still feels weird!

Secondly, I have been officially collared! This happened last weekend! I may discuss more about this on the sex filter (or, I may not. I haven't decided yet).

Thirdly, I need to do a whole bunch more chores around the house. My Chore Wars character is falling quite behind, and this must be rectified!

Fourthly, I am madly in love with [personal profile] erinkyan. Really!

Fifthly, This weekend I will be going to some workshops run by [livejournal.com profile] passionandsoul, which I am seriously looking forward to. One is about hypnosis and other mind play in BDSM, the other one is on rituals in BDSM, both topics I am looking quite forward to hearing about.

Sixthly, I have not seen people for such a long time, and I want to apologise for that. Getting settled into new job has taken a bit more time than I'd anticipated. I plan to make a promise to keep in touch more with my friends, since I know I've been neglecting that somewhat the last few months. I'll admit the whole being on the other side of the city, combined with full-time work, is making that a bit difficult, but that's no excuse for not trying! If you haven't seen me in a while and hope to do so, give me a buzz, I'll see if I can fit something around my schedule!

Seventhly, I have a four-player Connect 4 game right behind me, and I really want to try it out. Who's game? (this may or may not be connected to the previous item!)

I think that will be all for this update.
kirby1024: Black and white shot of me (B&W Me)
A big whopping update, since a lot of stuff has been happening recently:

Transresext
[livejournal.com profile] not_in_denial's big event, Transresext, finally went off last weekend. Honestly? I thought it went absolutely off! I won't describe my experiences much here, but rest assured it'll be on the sex filter in due course, probably by tonight, seeing how quiet work is right now.

(As a brief note, those of you who would like to climb onto the sex filter (or if you'd like to climb off), feel free to comment on this post - I'll add/remove you ASAP. As before, all dependent on my comfort with you reading stuff as well, but if you asked before and didn't get on, feel free to ask again - life goes on, I may well be more amenable.)

Work
Pretty much same-old same-old. I'm kinda looking for alternative work, even though I'm quite happy where I am right now. It's not even a kind of restlessness, I'm just more keeping my options open. It's a great place to work, gives me plenty of downtime and few real responsibilities to speak of, but honestly, with the economic chaos around, I'm feeling like if I want to move jobs, I should think about it now before things start toppling badly.

However, I have been playing around with stuff - in particular, I've been building an excel sheet that lets me play around with the printing statistics in different ways. Verrry interesting, and let me bash about with my coder brain for a bit, which is nice for it, since it doesn't get let out very much these days.

Rebuilding Friendships
I've been noticing that with the lack of time that full-time work seems to create, I seem to be losing track of a lot of people. Those that don't update (or have) blogs and such I don't seem to be keeping track of anymore, so I'm working on trying to catch up with people. Alas, with that aforementioned lack of time, I'm not getting much of a chance, but I'm hoping to get a few nights free to at least chat with some of my longer-distance friends that I haven't talked to in a while. Also, intending to go to [livejournal.com profile] thingalon's housewarming this weekend, to talk with friends and such, which should be good.

Also, and this one I'm most proud of, I finally got a chance to repair some uncomfortableness with [livejournal.com profile] forsakendaemon a few days ago. It's been festering for a bit, and I recently just realised that it wasn't helping anything to let it lie, so I invited him out to lunch to talk about stuff. We both seemed to be glad to get it off our chests, and I'm hoping that it means that we'll start to move past things and start being better friends.

IMing on me phone
A couple of days ago, I picked up an interesting program for my mobile called Fring. I originally did it so I could twitter from my phone more easily (and keep better track of everyone else's twitters, since the IM tracking aspect of Twitter seems to be completely dead, and the SMS feature's been disabled), but I'm really starting to dig the IM aspect of it. It means, simply enough, that I can IM people while I'm on the way to, or on the way home from, work. As above, I'm trying to make an active effort to keep talking to people, so having the ability to do it during hours where I'd normally do pretty much nothing, is really great. Now if only more people were active on the way into work...

General Business
For those Americans on my list - I am a Real American. Facebook Group available as well. Just pimping out awesome concepts. I'm actually very tempted to steal the concept and do an Australian version, if only because I think it's a fantastic idea to look at the national identity from a really inclusive attitude. Hmm, I feel a touch strong about this, I may well post an entry on how I feel about national identity in general later...

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kirby1024: Kirbinator Icon (half-my face, half-terminator face) (Default)
kirby1024

January 2011

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