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Entry tags:
Questions
It seems that in this time I ask myself questions that have answers I don't want to accept.
Why do I feel that I have to justify an action that I know was the right thing? Why did it happen in such a horrible time and place? Why was I such a coward that I couldn't face this beforehand? Why didn't I try harder to explain myself?
The answers to these, I think I know. But it seems that I have no desire to accept them. I justify because while I know it had to have been the right thing, the fact is it still hurt her, something I know is Wrong. It happenned where and when it did because it was there and then that I reached a point that made the confrontation inevitable, that ensured that I could not step back. I was such a coward because my nature is to make people happy, not hurt them, and hurting others fills me with pain. I didn't try harder because by then, I'd lost any ability to truly communicate with her, and it would have just caused us both more pain.
But I cannot accept these answers.
Why do I feel that I have to justify an action that I know was the right thing? Why did it happen in such a horrible time and place? Why was I such a coward that I couldn't face this beforehand? Why didn't I try harder to explain myself?
The answers to these, I think I know. But it seems that I have no desire to accept them. I justify because while I know it had to have been the right thing, the fact is it still hurt her, something I know is Wrong. It happenned where and when it did because it was there and then that I reached a point that made the confrontation inevitable, that ensured that I could not step back. I was such a coward because my nature is to make people happy, not hurt them, and hurting others fills me with pain. I didn't try harder because by then, I'd lost any ability to truly communicate with her, and it would have just caused us both more pain.
But I cannot accept these answers.