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On my Masculinity
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:30 pmSo, I've been thinking a bit again about my gender, and while thinking about it, figured I'd write down my feelings regarding it.
It's not, by the way, that I think I'm trans or genderqueer. I still feel that I'm a male-bodied man, and I don't think that's likely to change in the near future. I think the question that always concerns me most in regard to my gender is "What does being a man mean to me?"
My masculinity has often been the butt of jokes around Erinland (and among other people) because according to most people, manly is just not a word that you could use to describe me. I'm incredibly domestic. I love the kitchen section of Kmart. I don't particularly like sports. I can look at the front cover of a game and completely miss the girl on the cover (instead, I see the armoured bear. It was awesome, okay?). In the general checklist of typically male activities, I leave most boxes unchecked.
But make no mistake, I am a man, and I am masculine. I was describing to one of Erin's friends recently that "I have an unorthodox masculinity", and I think that's the best way to describe me. I'm feminine in many ways (and in more than a few ways, I aspire to that femininity), but those ways, to me, are part of what makes me masculine. In engaging in those typically feminine activities and ideas, I'm not losing any part of my manhood.
And I think this is really important to consider. I really don't like this idea that to act feminine is to act unmasculine, and vice versa. Well besides the whole idea that all actions have this essential gendered identity to them, it sets up this opposition that I just don't think really exists. It seems obvious to me that a lot of "feminine" actions can reinforce a masculinity, and vice versa. There are a lot of feminine presentations that are enhanced in their femininity by the addition of elements typically considered masculine, and the same applies on the other side. The presence of one doesn't create an absence of the other.
From all this, I think it's very obvious that there are many, many different masculinities and femininities and others. To be a Man is not to accept any particular path of masculinity. It's simply to be the Man that you wish to be. And the Man that I wish to be likes pretty things, enjoys being domestic, like kitchenware and enjoys going to Tupperware parties.
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not_in_denial has occaisionally pointed out that this kind of thinking is very genderqueer, or at the very least very genderfucky, and I guess he has a point. But I don't particularly identify with those labels. To me, to claim Genderqueer is to make a statement about one's gender identity that you're not male and not female, but something else entirely, and my identity is wholly male. And I dunno, I just don't feel like I'm fucking with gender. I don't feel like my very presence and way of life challenges everything to do with gender at all. I'm just, well, living what feels right to me.
It's not, by the way, that I think I'm trans or genderqueer. I still feel that I'm a male-bodied man, and I don't think that's likely to change in the near future. I think the question that always concerns me most in regard to my gender is "What does being a man mean to me?"
My masculinity has often been the butt of jokes around Erinland (and among other people) because according to most people, manly is just not a word that you could use to describe me. I'm incredibly domestic. I love the kitchen section of Kmart. I don't particularly like sports. I can look at the front cover of a game and completely miss the girl on the cover (instead, I see the armoured bear. It was awesome, okay?). In the general checklist of typically male activities, I leave most boxes unchecked.
But make no mistake, I am a man, and I am masculine. I was describing to one of Erin's friends recently that "I have an unorthodox masculinity", and I think that's the best way to describe me. I'm feminine in many ways (and in more than a few ways, I aspire to that femininity), but those ways, to me, are part of what makes me masculine. In engaging in those typically feminine activities and ideas, I'm not losing any part of my manhood.
And I think this is really important to consider. I really don't like this idea that to act feminine is to act unmasculine, and vice versa. Well besides the whole idea that all actions have this essential gendered identity to them, it sets up this opposition that I just don't think really exists. It seems obvious to me that a lot of "feminine" actions can reinforce a masculinity, and vice versa. There are a lot of feminine presentations that are enhanced in their femininity by the addition of elements typically considered masculine, and the same applies on the other side. The presence of one doesn't create an absence of the other.
From all this, I think it's very obvious that there are many, many different masculinities and femininities and others. To be a Man is not to accept any particular path of masculinity. It's simply to be the Man that you wish to be. And the Man that I wish to be likes pretty things, enjoys being domestic, like kitchenware and enjoys going to Tupperware parties.
not_in_denial has occaisionally pointed out that this kind of thinking is very genderqueer, or at the very least very genderfucky, and I guess he has a point. But I don't particularly identify with those labels. To me, to claim Genderqueer is to make a statement about one's gender identity that you're not male and not female, but something else entirely, and my identity is wholly male. And I dunno, I just don't feel like I'm fucking with gender. I don't feel like my very presence and way of life challenges everything to do with gender at all. I'm just, well, living what feels right to me.