Another Attempt at Updating

[kirby1024]

So, it's been quite some time since a life update. To be fair, there's been a few aborted attempts. I'm not sure why I'm finding it so hard to update about my life at the moment - it's not like there's anything terribly stressful, and it's not like there hasn't been much to talk about. Just every time I start writing an update, I start reading what I've written and come to the stunning conclusion that I would never read that shit. It keeps coming out boring and stilted, is always describing the events in my life, but never my reactions to it. I try to add reactions after I describe the events, but that makes it kinda worse - it just feels like I'm adding another boring tag to the end of my boring updates on my life.

And I wonder when that happened. I mean, I've done life updates before, I used to do it all the time, going in-depth about it. But suddenly? I just can't let that stuff go to print.

Ah well. This post should rectify this, and dammit, I intend to finish this one before I leave work!


Anniversary
So, the big major thing was me and not_in_denial's second anniversary. My god. Two years. You know, it really doesn't feel it, but when I try and think how long it does feel like, I don't know at all. It doesn't feel like forever, and it doesn't feel like yesterday, just... a while. But not a two-year while. Blah.

Anyway, me and not_in_denial decided to beat the heat for our anniversary weekend (not our actual anniversary - work, unfortunately, not so useful), and we went to a holiday house in Frankston with pool and spa. It was a beautiful place, and I loved our entire visit. A chance to just relax with each other, which was just wonderful.

Back to the History
Of course, the place is a block away from Lara's parent's place. So... yeah. The last week has been me desperately running away from all the Lara-emotions that I'd been happily keeping locked up in my brain. It didn't help when I tried to discuss this with my psych on Wednesday, and started talking about all the horrid post-breakup stuff that happened. Stupid me, of course, wanted to keep it down because at the very least I didn't want to have Lara-issues on my actual anniversary, but after that I just kept keeping it down. It wasn't until last Saturday/Sunday that not_in_denial finally pinned me down and made me start talking about it (and of course, after that I immediately felt better. Figures that the healthy thing actually fixes the problem...).

It just... frustrated me that I still have this stuff floating around in my brain, and I don't want to have it there. And I know that it's not anything I can help, that it's going to continue to take time, and, you know, the occaisional introspection and cry about it, but dammit, it's been almost three years now. I'm celebrating the two-year mark of a wonderful and brilliant relationship and suddenly I'm being sucked back into this stuff? Wholly and totally not fair. I do not want her to have this level of control still in my life. I'm past her, I'm done, I want nothing more of this... Except that I'm not done with it. And I hate being reminded of it.

Bushfires
I've been hearing and listening everywhere about it, I'm not sure there's anything I can say that hasn't already been said by others. To be honest, what's shocked me has just been the sheer spread of the fires - I keep looking at the Fire watch map and just being... amazed at the level of devastation. It's almost getting too big for me to wrap my head around - it's becoming hard not to turn it all into numbers and deal with it that way. It doesn't help that I don't have family out there (they're all in other cities), or any close friends (or many friends of close friends).

I am impressed by the sheer amount of support coming from everyone though. It's like remembering back to the Tsunamis - When something big happens, when lives are taken and damage is done, Australians suddenly start looking around and realising there's a whole bunch of stuff they have that everyone could use more. We all realise that this is the time to get up and get moving, and good lord do we ever. It gives me a bit of hope about us, as humans and as a nation. It seems to take a lot to get us moving, but when we do...

Other news
In other news, In my eternal quest to alleviate boredom at work, I have discovered new and interesting games to occupy my time. Yes, that's right, got sucked into another web-based game, eRepublik. I'm still climbing the levels, and Australia is apparently mostly occupied by Indonesia, but it's a diversion at least, and I'm looking forward to actually having enough experience and gold to do the fun-looking stuff. Feel free to follow me in if you want something nice and casual to play in your hours. Friend me, I'm Lee Deity in game.

Also, I have a job interview this Thursday for an Admin job at Swinburne's Prahran Campus. I'm really hoping I get this job - for one thing it's the first job that's called me back in ages, and for another it pays much better than this job, and looks like I'll be a whole lot busier for it as well (which I greatly appreciate. I don't mind the browsing the internet all day perks of this job, but it gets, well, boring after a while). Apparently it's mostly a computer test and an interview, and I've been told I interview well, and I'm not the least bit concerned about the computer test - just Excel and Word. Just a matter of being on my game.


Well, that update went much better than the last attempts!

Comments

[riotqueerfemme.livejournal.com]

Bush fires = awful. Don't know what else to say there.

From purely selfish reasons I want you to get that job too - that way I can come and say hi when I'm at school! But seriously, I *do* hope you get it.

And good on you for doing that difficult-but-healthy-talking-thing - congrats to you two on your 2nd anniversary! I'm glad you (both) had a good time...