Of Other Things

[kirby1024]

Yesterday, I took a step I'm not entirely sure I was capable of doing. I let the Queer Lounge community know what he did to me.

It's a step. Perhaps not quite as big a step as going to the police about it, but a step at least. I've not exactly been silent about what he did to me, but for the most part, It's not reached the ears of people who actually know him. And now, it has. At least that community can watch for him.

And yet...

I feel like there's a war inside of me. Part of me wants to make him suffer to the fullest extent of the law. To make sure he doesn't get to do to anyone else what he did to me (and apparently almost did to another). Another part... I dunno. Is scared? Wants no more part in it? Is afraid of going to the police and nothing happening? There's a massive block in my head, that's resisting the first urge. But I cannot for the life of me figure out why it's there. What's feeding it. Why I can't pick up the phone and call the police.

And it's really starting to get to me. Because it's not the only mental block in my head that I've been trying to grapple with recently. I feel like I'm not in control of my own mind, and that frustrates me on a deep level. I feel like I should be able to deal with this.

Comments

[lofwyr.livejournal.com]

From what I understand, that block is fairly common. The law isn't always the most helpful of creatures in these circumstances, and that's common knowledge, so that fear of nothing actually happening (and possible retaliation from the accused) is somewhat justifiable.

However, that shouldn't stop you from doing your utmost to scream it to the world. Even though the fear is there, the uncertainty, you have to grit your teeth and force yourself to do it anyway. Even if they don't press charges, you at least made the best effort you could to make your attacker pay for their crime.

Keep fighting.

[taiba.livejournal.com]

Lofwyr said it for me. It will be over, but first you have to scream and fight and bite and scratch.

I'm glad you finally told the queer community. That's probably the best move you could have made, because now they've been warned and can warn others. This is not something that can be tolerated.

Go to the police. Unfortunately there won't be any physical evidence any more (I'm sure that on the morning after there were at least some skin samples or something left on you), but you can at least put it on record that he did this, and if he does it to someone else, then it will be there and will add weight.

So as said above, you have to "grit your teeth", and just get on with it. You'd be amazed how much of life is made up of doing just exactly that.

[shemjaza.livejournal.com]

I think going to the police is the best thing you can do... and if you need any moral support or hand holding you know I'll be here.

[kunoichi-chan.livejournal.com]

*hug* We're here to support you in whatever you do.

[leetreetneant.livejournal.com]

It's not about the law, simply....It's about wanting justice. It's about wanting karma. It's also, to some extent about wanting him to understand the full extent of the pain that you've experienced.

[cheshire-bitten.livejournal.com]

You have me behind you, what ever you decide.

[originaluddite.livejournal.com]

Informing the police may be a worthwhile thing for you to do (even if circumstances make it nothing more than a mere reporting formality) as a part of you finding closure. However I think your brave act of informing the queer community may be of more value because now that community can practice some 'self-regulation'. I intend nothing sinister in saying that: There are some things that only the law should do (e.g. limiting the rights of those who have committed crimes) but there are many things that organic groups can still do (e.g. members of such groups can exercise the personal right to withdraw acts of friendship from those who have transgressed accepted standards of conduct).

[originaluddite.livejournal.com]

To clarify my comment further I want to say this: You should expect any community to "take care of its own" (within legal limits of course).